Michael, Dwight, Jim, Pam, Andy
Use the episode files below to drill into a specific meeting, party, cold open or disaster.
Season archive
Season 5
8,170 quote snippets across 26 episodes and 141 speakers.
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Episode files
All episodes in season 5
Open an episode to browse its quote snippets.
Season 5, Episode 1
569 quotes, 26 speakers, 0 deleted lines.
"Tomorrow I start a three-month design program at the Pratt Institute in New York. I will be a little fish in the big apple. [does hand gesture] What up, 212?"Open episode
Season 5, Episode 2
265 quotes, 19 speakers, 0 deleted lines.
"Let's get ethical! Ethical! I wanna get ethical! Let's get into Ethics yeah! Let me hear that Dunder Mifflin talk! Your body talk. Let me hear your body talk."Open episode
Season 5, Episode 3
311 quotes, 17 speakers, 0 deleted lines.
"OK! When the baby emerges, mark it secretly in a kind of a mark that only you could recognize and no baby snatcher can ever copy."Open episode
Season 5, Episode 4
311 quotes, 23 speakers, 0 deleted lines.
"In my opinion, the third date is traditionally the one where... you have sex. Does Holly feel that way? I don't know. I will probably find out tonight. If she starts having sex with me I'll know for sure."Open episode
Season 5, Episode 5
435 quotes, 23 speakers, 0 deleted lines.
"[dressed as the Joker] Hm mm mm mm. Want to see a magic trick? Heh heh heh! I'm gonna make a pencil disapp-- oh! [elevator doors close, reopen.] Disappear."Open episode
Season 5, Episode 6
417 quotes, 20 speakers, 0 deleted lines.
"Yeah, uh, this is all of them: Jim, Dwight, Phyllis, Stanley, Andy and -- oh. Oh, it's the receipt to my bridesmaid dress. What's that doing there? [hands stack of papers to Michael]"Open episode
Season 5, Episode 7
325 quotes, 26 speakers, 0 deleted lines.
"Yeah baby! That's what I'm talking about. That could be you [points at Jim] if you hadn't forgotten French. Where is my numbers man?"Open episode
Season 5, Episode 8
298 quotes, 19 speakers, 0 deleted lines.
"Hmmm, dare I? [laughs] You know what? I'm going to, for old time's sake. [walks to the annex, standing in Toby's cubicle] Great practical joke Jim, you got me to go to the annex. [turns around and sees Toby]"Open episode
Season 5, Episode 9
323 quotes, 16 speakers, 0 deleted lines.
"Now listen, we are a paper company. How can we take pride in our jobs if we have to put our fine paper in this wretched machine?"Open episode
Season 5, Episode 10
240 quotes, 19 speakers, 0 deleted lines.
"Really? If I can skin a mule deer in less than ten minutes, I ought to be able to cut my -- [sets briefcase on desk and sits in chair, desk and chair are made of paper, Dwight crashes to the floor]"Open episode
Season 5, Episode 11
291 quotes, 16 speakers, 0 deleted lines.
"[entering the office] Excuse me, everyone, can I have the floor please? Um, this is insanely awkward. It's kind of the elephant in the room, so I'll just... [sighs] No one has RSVP'ed to our wedding yet, and the deadline was yesterday."Open episode
Season 5, Episode 12
262 quotes, 23 speakers, 0 deleted lines.
"[riding in car with Michael] What if the owner of Prince Family Paper has a beautiful daughter and we have to seduce her in order to get their secrets?"Open episode
Season 5, Episode 13
416 quotes, 27 speakers, 0 deleted lines.
"A what? A rag. A damp rag, perhaps. Let's remember those procedures. What are the options? Okay, that's the wrong way. We've already tried that. Remember your exit points. Exit points people."Open episode
Season 5, Episode 14
237 quotes, 14 speakers, 0 deleted lines.
"No! That is a toboggan, you never know when you're gonna find a snowy hill so... Every magician has a hot assistant, and every rock star has a roadie, and Pam is my hot roadie."Open episode
Season 5, Episode 15
254 quotes, 18 speakers, 0 deleted lines.
"You remember Holly? She used to work for HR? She's the love of my life. She just left... and I never got closure. And I feel like I need to go to Nashua and get closure."Open episode
Season 5, Episode 16
300 quotes, 21 speakers, 0 deleted lines.
"Yeah, but now his heart is in Thailand along with the rest of his body having random sex. [Kelly looks hurt] Okay, sorry, let's, who else? Oscar."Open episode
Season 5, Episode 17
311 quotes, 13 speakers, 0 deleted lines.
"Golden Girls. That's a golden ticket idea, right, I mean how great was that show? Golden Grahams. Another, is it -- I don't get this..."Open episode
Season 5, Episode 18
297 quotes, 17 speakers, 0 deleted lines.
"Surprise, there is nothing in here. The real surprise is in the conference room. Let's go! [swings arm above head for everyone to come, hits doorframe] Oh! God! Ok, come on, come on!"Open episode
Season 5, Episode 19
267 quotes, 20 speakers, 0 deleted lines.
"I looked at Wallace and I said 'I quit!' and as I turned to leave I looked back and I said 'You have no idea how high I can fly.'"Open episode
Season 5, Episode 20
309 quotes, 21 speakers, 0 deleted lines.
"Oh, right. Thanks. [reading off index card] Dunder Mifflin, this is Kevin. Please hold while I transfer you. [cupping the mouthpiece, yelling] Oscar, your mom!"Open episode
Season 5, Episode 21
256 quotes, 19 speakers, 0 deleted lines.
"I would like to invite you all to come away with me, on a journey. [nips mylar ribbon with hedge clippers, it won't cut, he tears it down] Welcome! To the Michael Scott Paper Company!"Open episode
Season 5, Episode 22
298 quotes, 15 speakers, 0 deleted lines.
"Nah, that's weird. You're gonna sit. [Dwight sits] Great. You know, Dwight, it has been quite a transition for all of us. Are you happy with the way things have been runnin' lately?"Open episode
Season 5, Episode 23
288 quotes, 17 speakers, 0 deleted lines.
"[honking horn] Time to make the donuts. [laughs and drives away as Ryan tries to get in the van] Come on. Whoa! No, I promise I won't do it again. Come on. [does it again] De-nied!"Open episode
Season 5, Episode 24
319 quotes, 17 speakers, 0 deleted lines.
"Okay, Dwight. Let me explain something to you. I set the rules and you follow them. Blindly. Okay? And if you have a problem with that then you can talk to our complaint department. It's a trash can."Open episode
Season 5, Episode 25
298 quotes, 23 speakers, 0 deleted lines.
"Oh my God! I can't believe it! I jut won an art contest! [Erin screams, Pam and Jim look at each other, Dwight, laughing, gets up and hands her some money]"Open episode
Season 5, Episode 26
273 quotes, 25 speakers, 0 deleted lines.
"Hey. [hugs AJ a little too forcefully] Arrggh. So would you guys like some lemonade? Or one of you? Or both of you? Either or. The combinations are endless."Open episode